Just a minute, I have a reponse for that...

[BP.]

You have no idea what an impact that "I'm Billing Time" ditty had on me last tax season. I saved the link in my "favorites". I listened to it every single morning. I billed the living daylights out of those very high maintenance PITA clients. I believe my income increased by at least $6,000 due to that song. No, I'm not paying commission

Ditto, BHoffman! And thanks for resurrected the video for us, JohnH. And thanks for Bucky's letter, again, Jesse. That gem stays on my desk.

[BP.]

I got this 1099B

Me, when handed a 1099-B, "OK, what did you pay for this stock?"

Clueless client, waving their head in the direction of my computer monitor- "I don't know; can't you look it up?"

Me- "Sorry, my crystal ball's on the fritz."

I think I need to upgrade my worn-out reply to something snappier though. What do you guys say?

[Jiggers]

Crystal Ball

Me, when handed a 1099-B, "OK, what did you pay for this stock?"

Clueless client, waving their head in the direction of my computer monitor- "I don't know; can't you look it up?"

Me- "Sorry, my crystal ball's on the fritz."

I think I need to upgrade my worn-out reply to something snappier though. What do you guys say?

I do have a crystal ball on my desk! And when the client has no clue, or asks a foolish question, I pick it up and look at it.

I also have a sign on my ceiling that says "NO MILEAGE RECORDS HERE".

[BP.]

I do have a crystal ball on my desk! And when the client has no clue, or asks a foolish question, I pick it up and look at it.

I also have a sign on my ceiling that says "NO MILEAGE RECORDS HERE".

Outrageous! Jiggers, your posts continue to inspire!

[Jesse]

I do have a crystal ball on my desk! And when the client has no clue, or asks a foolish question, I pick it up and look at it.

I also have a sign on my ceiling that says "NO MILEAGE RECORDS HERE".

Just the other day I thought to myself I would like to get a crystal ball for my desk. The sign on you ceiling though, that is a great one!

[JohnH]

I'd like to put that sign up there, but there's no room. My ceiling is already filled with my clients' non-cash contributions information.

[BHoffman]

Magic 8 ball works pretty well too.

[wv112]

I've had a crystal ball on my desk for years. It has always been broke, won't work, but I love looking at it. And who knows, maybe some day it will give me an answer to something really neat.

[Matt Sova]

3. I got this 1099B and do you think you need it (as he is picking up his 1040A tax return)?

Who does 1040A's?

[Jiggers]

One more fool........

I prepare the State Unemployment Tax Return, 941, 940, W-2's(printed 4-up for employee and note affixed saying give all 4 copies to employee), and 1099MISC(printed 2-up for recipient and note affixed saying give all 2 copies to recipients) for my client.

All have a cover letter affixed to the original that needs to be signed and mailed. Correctly addressed envelope is attached to that.

Client calls me with the following questions:
1. Which envelope do I use?
2. How many copies of the W-2's do I give the employee? I tore them apart and lost your note.
3. How many copies of the 1099's do I give out? I tore them apart and lost your note.


About that time I scream..............

[Black Bart]

My father once spent several pre-computer days on a very complicated return involving many painstakingly hand-calculated "what-if" situations for an Arkansas resident. The guy picked it up, walked to the door, stopped, turned around, and said:

"Oh, by the way -- I sold a bunch of land down in Mississippi last year. That's not taxable is it?"

Response: A long pause; then -- "No." (We never saw him again).

[Jesse]

How about.........

why don't you just bring the document in because I can't see it over the phone!!

[powerage]

Start of interview:

Me: "So, were you married at the end of the year?"

Client: "No"

Client wants to claim HOH and the EIC.

Later on during the interview, the client will say "my wife' or "my husband".

Me: "I thought you told me you were not married?"

Client:"Well....."

And then the truth comes out.

[TaxLadyinPA]

The OIH deduction

TP: Can I claim Office in Home?

ME: Yes you would qualify for that if you have a room that is exclusively used for an Office.

TP: Yep

ME: Okay, (I start taking notes) size? Utility bills? Insurance? Etc. etc.

TP: What does exclusively mean?

ME: (eyes rolling now) It means you can't use the room for anything but the office, then we get to take a percentage of all those bills. The IRS takes a very dim view on OIH. They could come to see the office to make sure it is exclusive use.

TP: I guess if I knew they were coming we could drag Grandma's bed out of the room. Grandma might not like that so much tho and she might stop paying the utility bills.

ME: ….. rip … paper into garbage can.

**********************************************
or scenario 2 :

You look at the client and see that familiar lip curl up sly smile as they say … "Of course I use that room exclusively for an office…. Just tell me when the IRS is coming so I can get the pool table out of the room. OH but I entertain clients there also … they come play pool with me …. So it is still deductible isn't it…. And I could write off the pool table "

**********************************************

I had a good one a couple years ago ….

TP: I want to deduct my hot tub … I entertain my clients in it.
ME: My eyes are rolling here … I am afraid to ask what line of work she is in…. LOL

[BP.]

is your crystal ball broken?

The little plastic donkey in my office toy bucket gave me some inspiration today. If I replace my broken crystal ball with the donkey, I can just pull those mystery numbers from . . . .