Accountant Laws

[rosieea]

Neither Schedule C nor Form 4562 have a check box to report that mileage was about the same as last year.

[Jiggers]

Gave up numbering Commandments

Thou shalt keep all your gasoline receipts showing gallons purchased, even though they are useless as there is no deduction for the gasoline tax since way-back-when!

[Brad Imsdahl]

Have any of these been mentioned yet? I can’t seem to find them.

The following are not acceptable methods of accounting:

Utility bills for an office in home always stay the same from year to year. No need to add them up.

Charitable contributions are always $50 more than whatever we estimated last year. No need to add them up.

The business mileage percentage of a vehicle is always the same as last year. No need to add them up.

[sea-tax]

Well it looks like this little thread has just taken off on its own. I initially started the thread because I thought it would bring a little yearend laughter to some people . I hope it has worked.

To jiggers these are Laws not Commandments. Like I said in the original posts I got the idea from a beer commercial I think Miller Light where by a group of manly men sit at table and create man laws. Anyhow that was my inspiration and "that's all I have to say about that"


Accountant's law

If client shows up at office on 4/15/XX at 5:00 Pm to get taxes done, you have legal protection to punch him in the face.

[veritas]

I forgot to tell you I gave a contribution to Willaim Jefferson's re-election campaign.

I hear he likes cold cash.

[Mactax]

How About - Do not plan to do anything important on the last working day of the year. You will be continually interrupted by others who are trying to clear their desks with last minute questions.

Luckily I was just working on my pre-season mailing. This afternoon, the lawyer next door has wandered over 3 times to ask questions about estates. I had a call whether it was to late to do a flex-spending arrangment for 2006. Another client wanted to know about getting an LLC started in 2007, again.

[Black Bart]

Yeah, it worked -- good idea.

Well it looks like this little thread has just taken off on its own. I initially started the thread because I thought it would bring a little yearend laughter to some people . I hope it has worked.

All wives of big-rig truckers put a minimum of 5,000-10,000 business miles per year on the family SUV driving the 5-10 blocks to Autozone to "go get parts for my truck."

[Jiggers]

All sound familiar!

Based on the various postings, if I didn't know better, all of you have met all of my clients!

[JG EA]

A good law to add

Never give out your cell phone # to a client.

I did several weeks ago to one client. Today the office phone was busy (so they got voice mail) and they called me on my cell phone!

Oh, no trouble, since you could tell I was busy of course I'd enjoy hearing from you and being even more busy. Please state the nature of your emergency. No emergency? Imagine that. I've got your number, on two levels.

[Black Bart]

Speaking of which

...cell phone(s)...

It is a universally understood absolute fact that 100% of all clients' cell phone usage is exclusively for business. No phone calls of any nature whatsoever, regardless of circumstance, may ever be construed as "for personal use." This rule is especially true of spousal communications which constitute the bulk of usage, because "Even when I talk to her/him, it's about business."

While a few timid souls may attempt to reduce business percentage by 5-25% on the shaky basis of having possibly said "How's Joey?"-- "What's for supper?"-- "I love you;" such efforts should be resisted, as they are constitutionally unsound (cite: see Trucking Times -- August, 2003 -- Section: Legislative Roadkill -- Article: "I fought the law and the law saw (things my way)."

[Black Bart]

Or your home phone number

Never give out your cell phone # to a client.

I did several weeks ago to one client. Today the office phone was busy (so they got voice mail) and they called me on my cell phone!

Oh, no trouble, since you could tell I was busy of course I'd enjoy hearing from you and being even more busy. Please state the nature of your emergency. No emergency? Imagine that. I've got your number, on two levels.

It's been several years, but I still remember a (now-deceased) client calling me at home on Christmas Day, and saying "I'm sorry to bother you, but this thing is just worrying me to death. Are you busy right now?"

[TheGoodnShawn]

Accountants Law, Con't

With it being about a week before the official beginning of the e-file season....can I please add one.

I have gotten calls all week with this scenario...


Thou might get choked out if you come into my office crying that you had no federal taxes taken out all D#%$^ Year! If you didn't cry then, don't cry now


Wow, this is good self therapy, I feel better already

Shawn Miller
Atlanta, GA

[sea-tax]

"Wow, this is good self therapy, I feel better already "

Good Shawn that was my point. I think we as accountants sometimes get a little to wrapped up tight and can use a little laughter and fun time. So enjoy , I infact think it would be great if we kept this little b****h and moan thread going throughout tax season , just so we can let off a little steam.

[Black Bart]

A Broker's Hot Tip

Some years ago my friend's unmarried 21 year-old son moved to Little Rock, was hired as a novice stockbroker, and made about $25K (good pay for that time). Visiting home, he gave Dad a "tax tip" (at the time, IRS required W-4s claiming 10 to be sent to them).

"My buddy told me to claim nine exemptions and there wouldn't be any income tax on my pay. I tried it and it works like a charm -- it's great. The company didn't hold out a dime for the whole year. I told him I was going to tell you and Mom about it so you could try it too. You just won't believe how much money it saves you!"

They had to "loan" him $3,000.