Alzheimer's

[Black Bart]

Had a sad case come in yesterday afternoon.

One of my elderly clients (the second that's come down with it now) made a ten-mile trip from out of town to leave her tax information at the office. It was embarrassing--for both of us. She got out of the car, a wad of papers in hand, and I had a sinking feeling she was back to leave them again. She first brought them in January--I did the return and called, but she no longer answers the phone. I wrote--no response; so I called her brother and he brought her to the office. They picked up the return.

This day, she was with her daughter, signaling deterioration has advanced and the family's had to step in. She's a wonderful lady -- outgoing, a pleasant person of a congenial nature, a devout Christian church-goer, and still very much physically virgorous. Other than her puzzled look, you couldn't know that her brain is slowly, steadily, and inexorably dying (God-this is such a miserable disease).

We sat at the desk and I told her, as gently as possible, that the tax had already been filed. I tried an easier way out; telling her I'd been unable to contact her and suggested her brother had picked it up (they're close), to call him and check, but, in any case, I had a copy and it had been filed. A nearby employee cut in with "No, they've already been.." before I could nail her with a glance. I don't think she caught it, but she doesn't talk a lot--mostly just looks and listens--anyway she agreed to call her brother and they left.

I'm not sure if she understands the gravity of the situation or not. It's just such a serious thing that I can't really figure out any good way to deal with it. There's just no nice way to tell somebody they're "crazy." I don't mean that the way it sounds because I'm not telling her that directly or anything, but just having the discussion itself is a mutually realized recognition of irrational behavior.

I once heard Bette Davis (for the younger people--she was a movie star) make this telling observation -- "Old age is no place for sissies."

[Jiggers]

Family Help

Surely family members recognize this with the poor lady. They MUST step in and help. Denying that she has a problem complicates the problem.

If she is still able to drive, how do they know that she will remember the way home?

[Black Bart]

I don't think she's driving now. She did in January, but her brother brought her here in March when they picked up the tax and yesterday her daughter was driving. Previously she'd almost always driven herself. The daughter said she was "taking care of mother," so I assume she might be living with her now. We didn't get a chance to talk--I don't know for sure.

[DaveO]

Seeing our clients through the various stages of their lives is one of the rewards and heartaches of our profession. It seems that she, at least has a caring family. Too often we are trying to keep the “black sheep” of the family from cleaning out mom or dad’s bank account.

I wonder how many of you practice some sort of “Elder care”, seeing that the bills are paid and generally watching over the finances of an elderly client for a fee? If you do I’d be very interested in how you structure and bill for that service.

[taxfun]

elder services

Several years ago we tried to provide services, advertised, spoke to county social services people, etc. We could not make it work insofar as fees. We give the usual 10% senior discount on tax work and do some estate work, but elder care could not pay for itself. THere are a few "bookkeeper" types who do some work in the area, but we just can not compete at their range of fees. People do not seem to care about expertise, only price.

[Rocky]

Went through this with Grandma...

The most helpful thing you can do is to talk with family members and discuss with them what you are seeing, as it is very possible they do not fully recognize the gravity yet. It is very common for our loved ones who are going through this to cover up for a long time, with acting out that will disguise the problem and throw family members off track.

One of the first confirming signs is their inability to manage their checkbook register. What used to be done so neatly will now be gradually deteriorating, and frustrating the poor person no end as they do not understand their inability to do what they were once so capable of doing, causing embarassment and anger.

Talking with family members can help them to see / confirm what they may be dealing with, it may not even be Alzheimers but possibly a small stroke, in fact it may be better to put it to them that way and suggest that they find a way to convince her to visit her Dr. Also, they need to get medical wishes established in advance while she is still able, if they have not done so already.

Rocky

[Armando Beaujolais]

I had a married couple who was getting up there in age, but were happy and seemed healthy. He was self-employed, and still did a fair amount of brokerage work because he'd been so good he still had marketable value. One year they came in and the wife mentioned something about his brain not working as well as it once had. He looked absolutely fine physically, and sounded fine too.

He looked up at the Beatles calendar I had on my wall and said "Oh, they're a pretty good group."

I said "Yeah, I like their stuff."

He said "They're coming to town next week you know."

It's a terrible disease and incredibly frustrating for the family. But many times, almost as a strange kind of perk, they get to go and revisit their youth for a short time before it's all over.

[Gretel]

It's a terrible disease and incredibly frustrating for the family. But many times, almost as a strange kind of perk, they get to go and revisit their youth for a short time before it's all over.

The revisit of their youth also includes the chance to for healing for unresolved pains. All feelings pushed aside early on in life come back and the person has the chance to deal with what's really important in life. The suffering will become much easier once a person stops fighting with the mind what is going on and reaches a level of acceptance (hardest thing to do).

[sea-tax]

BB I have dealt with this also and it is very sad. One idea that I have tried and has worked so far is get a good contact number for a child or caretaker. Also I try to make the caretaker or person make the estimates sometimes if I know it is getting worse I will tell them to make larger estimates and just apply the refund to the next year. Also I try to have important information like broker statements mailed to my office or have them send a secondary copy. Once I even went to the house and helped them gather information. No doubt though it is tough.

[Redneck]

Been there

done that. Lost my mother in March/06. She lived with this for 5 years, all in a nursing home
not knowing who I was. Very sad. I don't wish it on my children but, hope it skips a generation.