NT Joke: Grandpa's IRS Audit

[Jesse]

Someone emailed this to me this morning:

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa
Showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a
demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own
eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my
other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,
with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand
dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
between....'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so
he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he
strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the
other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me
he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars
that he could come in here and p*ss all over your desk and that you'd be
happy about it!'

[RitaB]

Hahahaha

That was funny!

But, now I have these disturbing pictures in my mind that won't go away...

[thomtax]

Very good.

LT

[erchess]

Funny Story but

I see two problems.

One is that there is surely a rule against IRS employees gambling while on the job. Since we know that IRS employees always know and follow all the rules this story could never happen, right?

The other is that income from gambling is taxable so Grandpa still has a problem with unreported income. Only now he has a p o'd agent to deal with and an attorney who doesn't really like him very much.

Don't get me wrong, I do think it's funny.......

[JohnH]

Grandpa says he will bet you he has all those bases covered.
Want to risk taking him up on it?

[Bees Knees]

Question:

How much, if any, of the $6,000 bet that Grandpa lost is deductible?

A. Only $3,000 of the loss can be used to offset the $3,000 that he won. The remaining $3,000 of loss is non-deductible.

B. The full $6,000 loss plus all other gambling losses for the year are deductible up to the total gambling winnings for the year.

C. None of the $6,000 loss is deductible because it is a felony to wager with an IRS employee.

D. None of the above.

[thomtax]

Come on guys - loosen up - you are all being too serious. If you don't relax now, you will be in bad shape when tax season hits.

Plus, if you will read it closely, it does not say that he did not report his winnings and pay taxes on it. It just says that his lifestyle is too extravagant to not have a full time job. He probably had to report something or the IRS would not know about him to call him in.