Jobs I won't do.

[Black Bart]

Try to balance certain clients' checkbooks. I know, it doesn't sound like much for anybody passing himself off as an accounant, but here's the deal:

Cafe owner brings me his big checkbook; some stubs filled in, many blank. Has no books at all (I sort out year-end junkbox), posts checks/deposits to stubs, and keeps a running total. Under a full moon, he eyeballs bank statement and for heaven knows what reason suspects "The bank is ripping me off! I want you to check it out!"

He's an extra good (and good-paying) customer, so, duty-bound, off I go to explore the depths of his digit-doodling. There are 1 1/2 years' checks (naturally) and the usual scenario unfolds: errors in addition and subtraction, wrong check amounts posted, checks ignored (he swears he subtracted those blank stubs amounts), deposits counted twice, etc., etc., etc. Anyway, the bank (local/first-rate staff) was absolutely right and it was, of course, all for nothing. I've done several of these and the customer's always wrong.

You just cain't hardly get enough fee for such stuff and, good grief, what a PITA it was, slogging uselessly through all that junk while certain of the outcome. This was two years ago and it still smarts, so I'm turning the next deluded dope down flat, good customer notwithstanding.

[kaimana]

Here is my list

1. Divide and total their receipts and invoices...I don't advertise as an accountant, bookkeeper or records keeper. Especially small businesses-they started the business, they should hire someone to do the books. My fee is 35. an hour. I think my assistant did one client this past season.
2. Figure the FMV and donation amount on non-cash donations
3. Research their stocks/sales
4. Answer the phone during the tax season
5. Respond to "is it done yet" questions
6. Bank products
7. Paper filing returns unless there is a reason the State doesn't allow an electronic filing.
8. Anything else the client should have done before giving me their docs

[dsi]

I get $75/hr for this stuff. It does keep me very busy during the off (tax) season. I loathe the bookkeeping stuff, but if they are willing to pay my fee, I will do it.

[joanmcq]

I charge $50 an hour off season, to do cleanups, but while preparing a return, its my normal fee of $100/hr. Gives them an incentive to have me do clean up year round, or at least in December. But I loathe bookkeeping.

I will not figure out a donation price. I will steer them to the Salvation Army list.
I will figure out stock prices. See above for excessivly convoluted calculations, like reinvested dividends. I don't answer my home phone year round, but I do answer my cell.

Wont' paper file unless I have to (return won't go thru, AXT doesn't like the fact that I don't have an EIN for business returns.)

[geekgirldany]

I do bookkeeping for $50 an hour with a min. charge of two hours. I lower that if it is a weekly customer. I also do payroll prep. I won't do anything regarding used car lots. I learned my lesson on that a few years ago. Such a mess. Although the checkbook was kept up, it was never noted to which car it applied to. No notations in the program they used either as to which check the amount they entered applied to. Just a big mess. I could really tell some stories on the guy that ran it.

I also won't go onsite to people's businesses anymore. I have several that call regarding quickbooks wanting me to go to their business location. I just won't do it. Many don't want to pay for my time (which is twice as much as at my office) and most of what needs to be done can be done in my office. Also had a bad experience going to a person's office years ago that I did not know.

I won't give my cellphone number out. Family only knows that number. I had someone call today at my business number wanting a extension. First too late, second on a Sunday during church time. Just irked me a little.

[dyne]

When I began my tax service another tax preparer told me that this is my business
and I should establish my own rules and NOT allow taxpayers to abuse me. I will NOT
do what many others tolerate. No extensions, no delinquent returns or prior year returns.
Too many stock sales and they are referred to a CPA.

[DaveO]

We charge $60/hour for compiling records and bookkeeping. No problem with stock sales if records are available but I feel that's the brokers responsibility. If it's in a managed account it's back in their lap. Otherwise client is charged on a seperate line item so they know how mad to be at the brokers. I don't like restaurants but will deal with them if it's a "mom and pop" place without employees.

I've done a few on site QB setups but had one really backfire on me. The office manager took care of the QB and did a pretty good job.

The owners had borrowed money from everyone they knew to start the business. Once they were going and making good money they began to pay it back. She coded all the repayment to expense accounts because after all that's what the money was spent on. Naturally at year end when I reversed all those transactions and charged them to the owners draw they ended up owing a bunch of taxes which was naturally my fault as I had been told they had borrowed money. The fact I wasn't told they had repaid the money didn't count for much. Needless the say they are ex-clients.

[JohnH]

Bart: If you ever do decide to reconstruct a manual checkbook, here's a suggestion. Enter the check numbers and net check amounts in an Excel spreadsheet without looking at the check register at all. By setting up a "Month Cleared" column, you can easily group the checks by month cleared to verify the numbers back to the bank statement. This gives you a 100% confidence level that the checks & other debits which have cleared the bank are all accounted for. Next look at the check register to enter the payees, following a strict rule that the amount associated with a check number cannot be changed. This eliminates the error clients often make with manual check registers when they enter the wrong info on the check stub. Any transactions which can't be matched up using the manual register must then be verified by actually looking at the check itself.

This process greatly reduces the amount of time needed to reconcile an account and it will quickly spot any bank errors (which very seldom occur), and will usually highlight client errors. It's much more reliable. Once an adjustment is made for outstanding checks at beginning an end, you have a very reliable summary. It's much better than trying to figure out a sloppy manual register. Besides, when you get through making all the adjustments on a manual register you and the client just stare at it and say "Yep, there's where you messed it up." So there's no benefit to working off the register or even trying to get it right (although the process I described will usually turn that up anyhow).

[Edsel]

5500s

I will NOT do 5500s. Have you glanced at the penalties on those things?

A couple of customers with payrolls try to push me ino filling those thing out. They think because the IRS issues the form, it is therefore a tax. No way.

They are entirely personnel-related and not tax-related. Should be administered by the Dept of Labor instead of the IRS.

[JohnH]

Good point. TD F 90-22.1 is a form I don't prepare for the same reasons - penalties are too high.

I'll enter their name, address, and SocSec# and give it to the client to complete & send in. I don't want to have anything to do with the numbers reported on that form.

[dyne]

About 15 years ago during an IRS I met with two young female IRS agents and one said
to the other:" Why do we ask the taxpayer if they had any foreign trusts or accounts?"
Neither knew the answer. I blurted out because if they DID have such foreign trusts or
accounts they were supposed to have filed a TD F 90-23.1 form. I have since forgotten
the form and have never filed one.

[JohnH]

dyne: Isn't that a little risky? After all, the question is right there on the Schedule A, and if the answer is "Yes" then it seems to me the client might have a reason to get pretty upset with the preparer if they weren't advised that they need to file the thing, especially since the penalties are so draconian. I give them the form and an addressed envelope and document it in my records, but the amounts actually entered are strictly between them and the government.

[geekgirldany]

I will NOT do 5500s. Have you glanced at the penalties on those things?

I filed one for awhile for one customer. No contributions. He then got to where he could make contributions for him and his employees. I told him he needed a plan administrator. Someone that knows what the corp can and can not do regarding the plan. So he is now with company that does it for him. Glad that was taken off me.

[ChEAr$]

A got a chuckle from this thread

What won't I do? Well, I'm reminded of the fellow who went into Arizony's fanciest whore house and wanted a girl "who would do it MY way". Madame averred she had all types and certainly one of her girls could do it his way, and very well, too.

So upstairs he went with Fancy, who after three minutes came screaming down the
stairs saying' NO way can I do it THAT way."

Next, Susie was dispatched by Madame upstairs to please the guy, but she, too, came down mad as a wet hen, insulted that he would ask her to do THAT! brrrr! No F.....in
WAY! she exclaimed.

So Madame goes trudging up the stairs and confronts the gentleman from Alabama,
telling him that she can't understand why Susie, who had "round the world " experience couldn't please him, but anyway, she (Madame) had many long years experience, even
though now "retired" from active service, and just KNEW she could do it his way.

He said great! Le'ts DO it! So Madam asks him, "Just what IS your way?"

He replied; "On credit."

I'm with Madam on this one.

[kaimana]

dyne, just curious...why a CPA and not an EA? or either